9:50am, Wednesday
Jul. 19th, 2023 09:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
huntingdogsi think the thing that annoys me the most about geography in school is that a lot of it is revolved around self-learning (processing statistics, information of a case study, revision) because my teacher knows absolute dog-shit/is terrible at explaining information, however she just simply keeps talking!!!!! it's irritating, really. additionally, the people that i sit with don't focus on geography; for some reason, they're already talking about the science internal.
anyway, im currently in the process of trying to unremember things that i want to unremember, while simultaneously learning how to accept it and utilise this strange liminal space as a place of healing and acknowledging. im trying hard to not be mean to myself, as i notice that im in the middle of navigating my values and thus my attitudes regarding specific topics. its a difficult but necessary process, and while im navigating this strange liminal space, im navigating my studies and health and fitness (physical, mental [i.e., handling stress, turning over bad habits, re-wiring my mindset], balancing social life). theres also the little worming thought of "should i tell my parents?", which automatically arises a sensation of guilt, regret, perhaps the thought, "i dont deserve to be their daughter" or "ive tainted myself." but at the same time, one of my values is individuality and ive identified that personally--families dont need to know about everything. im growing up, and there are some things families shouldnt know, that i couldnt show. besides, i can handle it. i just know, somewhere in there, from the perhaps disgust, confusion, and bewilderment, there is gratitude and thorough support from them that im healing, that im growing, and that im learning. i have ardent faith in that thought.
what else? well, on the topic of unremembering, i find myself remembering in the quiet moments, where other thoughts should be renting space in my mind and ribs. its hard. its annoying. but thats just how things go, and thats the nature of things. im trying to learn how to be comfortable in being uncomfortable, not being too hard on myself, be critical, yet show empathy and sympathy for fifteen year old me. i was fifteen, and i was stupid, and now im sixteen, and only a few months have passed, but its already slowly changing like the formation of scar tissues. like scar tissues, it's all itchy, still-there, and visible--but its healing. im healing.
anyway, im currently in the process of trying to unremember things that i want to unremember, while simultaneously learning how to accept it and utilise this strange liminal space as a place of healing and acknowledging. im trying hard to not be mean to myself, as i notice that im in the middle of navigating my values and thus my attitudes regarding specific topics. its a difficult but necessary process, and while im navigating this strange liminal space, im navigating my studies and health and fitness (physical, mental [i.e., handling stress, turning over bad habits, re-wiring my mindset], balancing social life). theres also the little worming thought of "should i tell my parents?", which automatically arises a sensation of guilt, regret, perhaps the thought, "i dont deserve to be their daughter" or "ive tainted myself." but at the same time, one of my values is individuality and ive identified that personally--families dont need to know about everything. im growing up, and there are some things families shouldnt know, that i couldnt show. besides, i can handle it. i just know, somewhere in there, from the perhaps disgust, confusion, and bewilderment, there is gratitude and thorough support from them that im healing, that im growing, and that im learning. i have ardent faith in that thought.
what else? well, on the topic of unremembering, i find myself remembering in the quiet moments, where other thoughts should be renting space in my mind and ribs. its hard. its annoying. but thats just how things go, and thats the nature of things. im trying to learn how to be comfortable in being uncomfortable, not being too hard on myself, be critical, yet show empathy and sympathy for fifteen year old me. i was fifteen, and i was stupid, and now im sixteen, and only a few months have passed, but its already slowly changing like the formation of scar tissues. like scar tissues, it's all itchy, still-there, and visible--but its healing. im healing.
