11:54pm, Friday
Sep. 8th, 2023 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
huntingdogshmm i have school exams next week, which is crazy but also not that crazy to think about, and i feel oddly placated. everyone is currently goign cuckoo bananas in chemistry class right now, but to be honest, i prefer chemistry over genetics....but i havent done any revision for sciences, and im dropping sciences for next year! so im really just aiming to garner the credits. im really shooting my shot for an excellent endorsement via english, health studies, and religious education...because that would secure me an excellent endorsement without much concern over my failing subjects such as maths (oh dear), geography, and MAYBE history, but i may place some efforts into at least revising within a week for it......
ive been feeling bad about myself lately, because of how i present myself in public. i shouldnt be thinking too much about this at all, but it worries me. im concerned that im not excelling enough, because im unsure of whether i should be doing something that "shows" that im learning, but the truth is that im learning at my own pace, and the opportunities within the school curriculum don't really give me that ability or at least entice any of my ideals to reach, simply because that is not how i want to live life for the sake of how other people perceive me. i think im still trying to get my head around that, and contending with the aspect.
i just want to live a fulfilling life. i think that's it. the philosophy that i want to live by is that i am no more than the by-products of the things that i have done in my past, therefore, not focusing on the fruits of my labour but just focusing on the labour because it's satisfying and it makes me feel good. focusing on exhibiting gratitude and think well of other people than immediately dive into complaints. being more mindful of my words, because my words and actions are how people see me, and i dont want to present and unsatisfactory, ill-version of myself. im still trying to deal with this, and not being mean, and not being too rigid in the name of honesty.
i need to be a little bit more aware of myself, and become good at not abandoning myself, but im becoming better at recognising it.
ive been feeling bad about myself lately, because of how i present myself in public. i shouldnt be thinking too much about this at all, but it worries me. im concerned that im not excelling enough, because im unsure of whether i should be doing something that "shows" that im learning, but the truth is that im learning at my own pace, and the opportunities within the school curriculum don't really give me that ability or at least entice any of my ideals to reach, simply because that is not how i want to live life for the sake of how other people perceive me. i think im still trying to get my head around that, and contending with the aspect.
i just want to live a fulfilling life. i think that's it. the philosophy that i want to live by is that i am no more than the by-products of the things that i have done in my past, therefore, not focusing on the fruits of my labour but just focusing on the labour because it's satisfying and it makes me feel good. focusing on exhibiting gratitude and think well of other people than immediately dive into complaints. being more mindful of my words, because my words and actions are how people see me, and i dont want to present and unsatisfactory, ill-version of myself. im still trying to deal with this, and not being mean, and not being too rigid in the name of honesty.
i need to be a little bit more aware of myself, and become good at not abandoning myself, but im becoming better at recognising it.
